Hello, it’s me again.

I’ve been re-reading some of my older blog posts and I realised how I always make a plan to restart regular blogging only to stop after two posts or so. But I’m thankful for the space that has now become my refuge, my personal diary, my closet.

As usual, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I suppose that is how life is- full of happenings. Some times its the same things in a different way, other times its different altogether. I wish I could say that I found the solutions to heartbreaks, fallouts and disappointments, but I’m glad that I can at least say that I’m stronger, more mature and a tad bit wiser.

Although I must admit, sometimes its hard to believe so. I could have just been so used to it, I became numb. But its one thing to be numb and another to move on, to grow up and to realise that some things are never meant to be. Some things are temporal. Some things are not forever.

For in everything, there is a season.

And maybe forever is not necessary. Maybe happily ever after forgot to include the quarrels and heartaches.

Maybe you’re stronger than you think if you would just give yourself enough credit. 

 

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Once bitten but still not shy.

It always ends the same way.

When you thought things were going smooth, things take an unfortunate turn.

Unreplied messages, blue ticks and read receipts.

I’m not obsessed.

You don’t have to reply me immediately.

Heck, I even justify why you won’t or maybe simply can’t reply after reading the message.

Did I bore you?

Was it not interesting enough?

I should have known.

The signs were always there.

Late replies. Short responses. No questions.

 

You are not interested.

 

So why do I keep pressing on?

 

Honestly, all i wanted was to get to know you. Be a friend. Build a friendship.

 

Was i asking for too much?

 

Maybe I should have asked for permission.

 

“Hi, can i be your friend?”

 

I stop thinking. And i stop justifying.

I stop blaming myself because im tired.

Tired of being the one who always initiates.

 

I need to feel like you value this friendship too you know.

 

Im human.

 

I have feelings.

 

I get hurt.

 

But its okay, maybe you are just not the friend for me.

 

I wish i knew you were trouble when you walked in.

 

Maybe i did but i still fell for it anyway.

 

Goodbye you.

 

I thought i have learnt from past experiences but i guess you cant teach an old dog new tricks nor can a leopard change its spots.

 

Is this destiny speaking?

Because if it is, i refused to respond. I refuse to accept.

A Comeback

Hello friends! 

Thank you for keeping this space warm despite my inactivity. It has been one crazy year as a freshmen and I am so excited to share more with all of you my experiences and thoughts! 

As I write, I am soaking in the summer daylight and breathing the air of Seoul, the capital of South Korea! It is my last week here and I do look forward to maximising my remaining time here. (So if you have any recommendations, do drop me a comment!) 

Throughout the year, I had a wrestle with my passion for writing. For starters, why was I writing? What was my purpose? 

What was my story? 

It struck me that somewhere along the way I have lost my direction. I had no clue what drove me. Sure, I wanted to write a novel, and eventually a script writer but what was it going to be about? 

How do you stop writing for yourself and start writing for others?  

Furthermore, a twist in life has got me into the faculty of business so juggling school and writing became a hassle. I felt like there was no connection between my major and my passion. And it hit me- 

What if writing was just a personal pleasure, one that was never meant to be?

But after all that contemplation, one thing was for sure- I was not giving up on writing. Not before, not now, and not ever.  It is a part of me that has moulded my past and present and I intend on making it shape my future. 

With my summer break, I started working on my manuscript and other writing opportunities. It was great when the creativity kept coming. The stories and imagination was on the roll.

But i was impatient. 

That spark was so spontaneous, it wanted to see immediate results. Yet writing is an art that takes time to be cultivated. 

Taking the time to rediscover the meaning of writing to me personally, has guided my thoughts and given me the motivation and determination to write better, be it for my blog and future works (cross fingers that a novel materialise!!) 

So if you were in a situation like me,  slow down, sleep on it, and do not let the wind of life extinguish the flame you have for writing. Maybe you need a break, or an inspiration, but don’t forget what it meant to you. 

And just because you are not majoring in creative writing does not mean you should not pursue it, either concurrently or in the future. 

Let’s make it work!

Living On-Campus

My friends, it has been a crazy four months of 2016 and how quickly time flies- I have just completed my first year at college! And that, explains my inactivity (sorry!)- after entering college, my life has four seasons too: semester 1, winter break, semester 2 and summer break. Pretty much like the weather!

Many have asked if university was what I expected and to be honest, it was not. Thus, today, I decided to share a few personal experience, and perhaps you too can relate to this!

Coming from Junior College (JC), the general consensus, or saying even, is that University will be easier than JC. I suppose it is to a certain extent, in terms of flexibility and freedom, but work load wise, definitely not! Ladies and gent, we got to be realistic, it is, after all, a further education, one that will probably be the highest education most will have, unless you continue pursuing. This coupled with intense time pressure because we now have lesser time to complete more work (for my course, at least).

But the benefit of University still stands- it is certainly easier focusing on 5 modules per semester than 7 subjects for 2 years.

Another benefit was on-campus housing, especially during study weeks, project deadlines, and evening gatherings with friends! And given that hostel life took up a bulk of my year 1, I am going to spend the next paragraphs sharing with you more!

The thing about university is that you do not get a form class so most opportunities of meeting friends are either school/ faculty activities or group projects. As such, hostel was one of the first few places I made friends in school. However, it does take up a lot of time and for some, it can be a lot to cope. so here are some tips that hopefully, will get you through as it did for me!

Firstly, discipline- you got to be consistent with your work and prioritise your commitments. Most hall activities take place at night so by the time you are done, you will probably be dead tired (unless you work on night owl schedule, that is) so its best to finish your work before so that you can thoroughly enjoy your hall activity!

Secondly, cherish the sleep you have now- sleep is a privilege during the school term, especially when you are juggling so many things at one go, so sleep now while you can haha (but not during tutorials, of course haha)

Thirdly, choose wisely- do not overcommit. This was one of the things that i wish someone told me, instead of “try everything” because it became really tiring after a while. This was partly due to the fact that i was struggling to adapt to the new education system and at the same time handling 5 other responsibilities while getting to know people. So yes, choose wisely.

There are a lot of things I would love to share but my thoughts are all over the place right now so I’ll save it for next time!

Do you have any tips you would like to share on surviving the university life? comment below! i would love to hear from you 🙂

The Upper East Side

Since the beginning of time society has classified humans into categories that defined what they are rather than who they are. Sure, it leads to progress and advancement. But in our bid for a better life, a richer choice, a wider horizon, we end up losing the very essence of humanity.

When we have reached the top, we realised how lonely it gets and soon we know that change has to take place if we were to have greater breakthroughs. But the damage has been done- implicit in our thoughts; we classify, we judge, we censor.

Will we break the barrier? Because the upper and lower East side are both in the East side. How much we have in our bank accounts do not define how great our potentials can be; our grades do not destine our future and our bloodline should not limit our vision.

Dressed to Impress?

Happy 2016, readers!

2015 has flew by with few postings from me but thankfully, my writer’s block has come to an end and I’m back to blogging. I must admit that it was a good break from writing but I believe it is here where I am most at ease so naturally, with the semester break ending and a new year that has started, what better way to kick off with a post?

During the Christmas break I had plenty of time to catch up on some American drama series and chic flicks, just to get my mind off school and dorm life. It did, however, led me to think about greater issues beyond just academics. One of the drama series that inspire this and also subsequent posts was Gossip Girl. Having just finished all 6 seasons (#chuckandblair4ever), it really got me pondering about my writing, priorities and lifestyle.

Gossip girl is a character in the drama (Duh!) where she is an anonymous blogger who has a lot of gossip (duh again!) which most of the time are dirt on these rich kids. She uploads these juicy “secrets” on her blog and is like our current twitter feed on the latest update, except that this is set in high school.

The thing is, some times, her posts are the sparks that ignite explosions- exposing secrets, revealing hidden truths and increasing assumptions. And if this drama did not fully encapsulate the power of social media and words, I don’t know what else can. What really strike me was that while gossip girl posts may have hurt individuals, many want to be her because of that power she possess over the residents of the Upper East Side and because of the attention she has received. And everyone wants to contribute by sending in the next big gossip, hoping that they will be the first to be in the know. Victims see her as an enemy, the empowered see her as an ally, and some, get so obsessed with her that it consumes. 

This made reflect about my own writing journey and how it went from pen and paper to blogging. While I may not be posting about gossip, I am posting about issues that adolescences face, which made me ask myself if my writings are poison or medicine to those who face the same issues and have read my posts.

I started this blog when I was 16- not much brighter then, hopefully a tad bit wiser now. Back then, I drowned myself in sorrow and revolved my writings on how my world was shattered cause friendships failed, people disappoint and promises get broken. Initially, it was a great relief emptying out online where readers reach out to one another, affirming each other about the decisions we make. (WordPress bloggers, you guys rock!) When the followers count increase, I started to blog more about such sadness, and what was curing me before, became a poison as I become more focused on writing on what makes me sad, rather than what makes life still worth living for.

So to all my loyal readers who continued reading despite the repetitive cycle of my emotions, my sincere apologies if I have bored you or tried to hard to impress the community here, but thank you for still sticking around!

It is definitely easier to write when I am sad because it clears my head, but I think i have learnt that it works too on every occasion because it is about sharing a piece of what matters to you.

I look forward to getting to know you all better, and hearing your thoughts!

xoxo,

unspoken words.

What About Now?

Growing up in church, it has always been a given among my company of friends- when we enter in a relationship, it will be with someone who “loves God and loves me”, and that would suffice because everything else will simply fall into place. And I thought, “yeah okay sounds good”. I mean, after all, that’s what we’ve been taught, right?

But as the years go by and we start to realize that that idealized expectations is not that easy to attain. And then most of us reach a point in our lives where love is no longer just a concept- its becoming a reality. Some hold true to their expectations, others did not.

So here’s a short creative writing of forbidden love:

(*Disclaimer: everything written is purely personal and does not represent any organisation or belief)

What does it mean to love? And how do you stop it from happening? Because since he came around, her world turned upside down. She’s losing her grip on the things that once held her strong. Her foundation of expectations is starting to shake.  It has only been a short while, they say. You don’t even know him! You can’t possibly be falling! It’s an infatuation. Let it go, you’re still young, there’re plenty of others out there. But its not the same because they are not you. 

 His voice can be recognized from tables away and when she enters a room, she look to catch a glimpse of the smile on his face that always make every problem seems okay. No words can spell the dilemma in her head. Is this what they call forbidden love? Because its starting to feel like love and it definitely feels forbidden.

His eyes sweep across the room and it found hers. That nod and smile in acknowledge made butterflies fly. And in that moment, she could not deny that her world was turned upside down.

But then she saw him with everyone else. The same suave, the same smile and friendliness. Maybe they are right, after all. She does not know him. She can’t possibly be falling for him. It’s just an infatuation. Maybe, just maybe, there’s someone else out there. And though that may be true, a part of her still hopes that that would be him. 

So what about now? 

Hope yall enjoy the read, cause it was really refreshing writing that and I hope that we’ll all one day find an answer to our dilemmas and may we continue to love wisely, live courageously and lack nothing!

God bless!

When in Limbo

Moving on from one chapter to another is hard. But the transition stage is always the hardest. It’s like reading all the way to the end of a novel- there are parts that you found boring, parts that made you cry, parts that just want to rereading and parts where you could totally relate to the protagonist; but ultimately, you always let your eyes linger on the last sentence of the last chapter in the book no matter how many times you may feel that there are parts in the story where you could have written it better. Because at that moment you realized that the journey with that novel’s protagonist has ended. You’ve finished watching the social development of Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters; you don’t have to fight the inner dilemma of whether Bella Edwards should be with Edward Cullen the perfect vamp or Jacob black the cool werewolf.
Sure, you can Reread the novel, watch the movie adaptation till you can memorize every sentence of it but it’s never the same again.

Because your role in that journey has ended.

And to me, that’s how transitioning feels like. Videos can be replayed, photographs can be printed, and life can be journaled. But at the end of the day, that’s what it cumulates to- just memories.

While I hate to admit it, knowing this scares me because it reminds me that time waits for no one. The clock ticks, future awaits, the unknown lies ahead. We all have to leave the comforts of familiarity sooner or later. Though later seems better, transitions are inevitable.

I don’t have a solution for dealing with transitions (believe me, if I had, I wouldn’t be writing this post) but there’s one thing I know- the unknown doesn’t always have to be scary; it just means that unimaginable, beyond-your-mind-unthinkable things could and may happen and who’s to say that such are bad?
Maybe sometimes a new beginning is what we all need.
God bless

A Smile Goes A Long Way

In gratitude to the lady who smiled.

I was on the escalator and as it reached the end of it, the gentleman in front stopped after stepping off, causing a small collision as he blocked the line of people behind him from getting off the escalator. Having just gotten off the wrong side of bed an hour before and the warm weather, I wasn’t in the best mood and this small incident frustrated me slightly. Then, a young lady walked past and simply smiled at me as she made eye contact with this sulking face. And though I will never know why she did that, but that turned my frown into a smile as well! One can never greet a friendly face with an unhappy one, can they? As I went on my way, my spirits were uplifted and I forgot all that rush and angst just like that.

What a great and humbling reminder of how much a smile can do!

Are you in a rush today? Are you frowning? Perhaps you are like me, starting the day on the wrong side bed, all tired and sweaty from the long walk.
Or perhaps you are like the young lady who decided to smile at a complete stranger whose face probably expressed a need to receive a smile. Will you be that one who chooses to smile today?

We live in such a fast-paced society that sometimes we forgot that we are all running at different paces and that some of us may be running out of steam. Are we going to run this race of life alongside each other or are we going to hurry off without looking back to see who may need that encouragement along the way?
We all say we hope for world peace but we need to take ownership for that and realize that peace starts from you and me.
So remember a smile goes a long way!

Falling, Fighting, Loving, Hurting.

We were all made to love. That’s right, that means you!

No matter how much people disappoint, or heart breaking life can be, love always creeps in.

I was at a camp recently and late night talks were held frequently with the topic of “boys” and “love” being the hottest conversations. And I suppose, at times as such, I realised that despite most girls putting up a strong front of how much being single is better or those who were always cynical about love, most of us, if not all of us, were in the same boat- we were all vulnerable to love. And if love was another boat floating near by, perhaps we would jump off our own comfort zone and swim in the deep waters just to reach it. Come to think of it, love can be pretty powerful huh?

Don’t we just want our knight in shining armor to come sweeping in to save the day?

But yet, I’ve also learnt that perhaps we should be managing our expectations about a relationship. Are we expecting too much? Are we being too idealistic? I suppose these are questions that would not hurt to consider now and then. In every relationship, be it between friends or BGR, one thing remains constant- there is a need to meet each other halfway. We cannot be expecting the other party to be completely fulfilling our expectations while neglecting to fulfill theirs.

Are you at a point in your relations where you are starting to wonder if you and your friend/other half are still on the same page? Perhaps it is time to reflect and think about it because it takes two hands to clap.

Best wishes!